I found this as a draft from March 14, 2014. I thought I should share it.
We have a three year old son. He’s Silas. This little man is a quite the boy. I know everyone says that about their child, and then everyone says what I just wrote too. But I’m serious, and if you know him you think the same. There are a lot of cool things about this little dude, like how his dance moves are karate moves, and how he is the blue and the golden power rangers, how his first words every morning are “let’s pretend like I’m your baby yellow puppy”(in his scratchy morning voice), and how he tells me I look like a princess. He is seriously a melt-your-heart kinda kid. I could write more but there is one attribute that I want to really focus on. Silas has always had a wide range of emotions. The first couple of years we battled with extreme crying, I mean extreme. Like the kind that once he started there was no stopping, and when he cries you think he might be demon possessed. The kind that you try to tame with every trick in the book, and you even start entertaining the thought of using that magic scent that calms tantrums in seconds – you know – the one on that video you saw online. We won’t go too in depth with it since its a time in my life I like to repress. Just know it wasn’t pretty and I’m amazed that this blog is about just the opposite show of emotions. Its not that we did all the right things, I actually don’t even know what we did to change things. Maybe it was that he grew up a little, or his hormones evened out, or maybe it was the hand of God. All I know is today I am writing about a very different little boy.
The very coolest attribute that Silas has is that he loves deeply. The other day a friend was over and Silas comes down the stairs and says, “Hey, Mom,” and continues on his merry way. I may not have even answered. My friend looked over at me with hearts in her eyes and says, “Awwww, did you hear him?” (he was really cute). Then I realized, oh yea, I did just hear him say that. Then in my defense I explained to her that I didn’t really answer him because I hear that everyday about 40 times a day. He just walks in a room, says hey mom, and walks out. Then Silas redeemed me in my friend’s eyes by coming around the corner not 10 seconds later and again saying “Hey, Mom” on his way through the kitchen. See, I’m not purposefully being a horrible mom by ignoring my third born as he lavishes his love on me.
So this is what a normal day is like as the mother of Silas. I get morning snuggles. I hear “hey, mom” and “I love you” about a million times a day. He tells me things like, “I love you bigger than the ocean”, ” I love you bigger than the bayou” (cajun baby), “Momma, you look pwetty.” Sometimes he is overcome with such love for me, he says, “I love you bigger than God!” to which I always have to remind him that, no, he loves God first and then me. Always in that order, for the rest of his life, even after he meets “the one”…. just joking…. a little. Sometimes a simple I love you isn’t enough, he has to hug my neck and squeeze hard hard with all the strength his little three year old arms can muster. So I am realizing that this kid just feels deeply, in his early life he apparently felt a lot of stress, now, he feels a lot of love. So I am becoming more conscious of this love that abounds in his heart and flows out of his mouth. And I am beginning to see that not only was this kid created partly by me, but I really feel that he was created for me, to remind me.
The other day as I was contemplating this kid’s loving heart, I felt like God said that when I hear I love you from Silas, think of it as an “I love you” from God. I think I forget how deeply God loves me, loves us. So much of my life I feel like I don’t ‘do’ enough for God, but in reality I think that what God really wants is that I just love Him deeply, like He loves me. He calls out all day long, “Hey, daughter,” and I do just what I do to my son, I ignore it. I hear it, but I don’t really hear it. I don’t respond. What is the Holy Spirit wanting from me? A ‘hey’ back, an ‘I love you’ back, a response that mirrors His. I do love Him deeply, and when I sit with Him and really look at Him I am floored by who He is, and I fall more in love with Him, but the problem comes when I don’t sit, it comes when I forget in the hustle of life, it comes when I don’t respond. God, I pray that I am more attentive to your ‘heys’ and ‘I love yous’ and that my response will be felt in heaven.